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16. ouroboros

The smell of the clinical hospital made his stomach churn — the last few weeks had been hell, tensions were high, and emotions were even higher. Yet he couldn’t have felt that he was at fault for this in some way, if he hadn’t puffed out his chest and spoken those harsh words in Brazil — they wouldn’t have been bouncing place to place. Emma wouldn’t have come to Madrid to face off with him about what he said—

But in retrospect, what would have awaited them in Tennessee if he had shut his mouth and stayed quiet? Tyson’s words rang in his ears: They were going to kill all but those they wanted in that house and take those they wanted. Leif had heard the whispers of the horrors of what happened to women who were forced into that world. He had no qualms about telling his cousin to kill the man — no remorse, no guilt. People did speak about how seeing someone die or even pulling the trigger would change someone, but he felt unchanged. The only thing that remained was that he knew he would do anything for his family, no matter the cost — after all, it was all that he knew.

He thought about Emma and how she seemed to carry it all on her shoulders, never wanting to ask for help or appear vulnerable because she had never found the person she could lean on. He wanted to be that person, and even though his heart ached, his mind was in turmoil, wondering if they were doing the right thing for Hazel. As he slipped into the chair in the waiting room, he sighed quietly, as if someone had fallen beside him, her palm finding his. “She’s going to pull through, Leif. She’s the biggest fighter of us all.” His sister told him. “Believe that. And don’t you two blame yourselves for what happened — it’s no one's fault. Sickness and illness … it has no bounds and reaches all of us at some point.” She murmured.