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"I lost my spark"

I heard a friend utter this sentence, and my first thought was, hmm, maybe a cliché? But then it lingered in my mind, because apparently, I did put some meaning into it:
"I lost my spark."

Most of the time, I’m afraid of things. I avoid them out of anxiety, because, you know, those voices in your head keep saying:
Don’t start. Don’t even think about it. It will never be as good…
As good as what?
Some unachievable standard I hold myself to, in my own mind.
Just stagnate. Look at the walls all day. Don’t do anything. That way, you can’t fail anything. Don’t start. Don’t do it.

It feels like everything has been on a steady decline since the dawn of time. Nothing ever really gets better. Ever?
And when good things do happen, they never feel powerful enough to pull the whole trend in the other direction, it just keeps declining overall.

I can’t convince myself that things fluctuate. That they can be temporary.
Just because I lost my spark doesn’t mean I lost it forever.
I just lost it… temporarily.
Yeah. Just gotta believe that.

I always say my mind works like a machine, gather the data, get the output.
But let’s face it: that machine does have a tendency to overestimate the negatives.
The calibration’s a little off… and yes, maybe it’ll never work perfectly.

That’s why you need a control mechanism, something to keep things in check.
Nobody likes being controlled. But trust me: it’s not worse than being a prisoner of your own mind.

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asiri alakasiz ooc kisim: bugun metalin m'sinden haberi olmayan arkadaslarimi arabada kistirip 2 saat boyunca metal dinlettim (en klasikleri... gidip suicide silence acmadim) ve cok satisfying bir olaydi hdhfh (begenmediler)

HEAVY METAL OR NO METAL AT ALL, WIMPS AND POSERS, I SAID LEAVE THE HALL
if you're not into metal, you are not my friend

bir de iliskiler... iliskilere donuyorum/donecegim