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-by association & depredation

Sometimes when you make hard hard choices, the dirty trash takes out itself. Enter the closing of a sweet friendship one that begun so brilliantly and there’s a recipe for hell. She didn’t like that one, painful but it was overdue. It had been a life changing week. A week she’d truly needed so..

What begun as a sad, heart numbing day planned to be fueled by a bottle turned into a shift in perspective on her life. Unexpected news given to her in a random Croatian hotel spa, news that wasn’t her business and then suddenly it actually was, an absolutely terrible revelation, she almost threw up in the Sauna, demanding strangers to tell her meaning, disbelief..then it just..made sense. Shock dulled, much helped by an overpriced drink, it opened doors, to forgiving herself, accepting..finally. It wasn’t business worth divulging to others really, it was worth avoiding though, forever this time. Ew.

She sat in the studio and considered things over and over the whole day, a day that should have been about her Soulie, a day that had begun a little sore. The more time she did consider the more she realised just what an escape she’d had, and every puzzle piece fell into place. Eight tiresome years, three death treats and a bucket of self loathing later. The lines..unblurred. She was unglued, she was free.

Freedom opened many doors sealed shut. The ones she’d closed to impress, lessen and fit in, to start. All simply didn’t work anyway but who was she even? Eh!

One text from an entirely perfect friend with a link and a few tears on the studio floor later, she was reminded. Hard!
Many things sweet things, but mainly that she was a completely badass contradiction and absolutely a bitch who speaks in riddles, as her boyfriend reminded her a couple times. Reminded her of a couple other things too..like how she didn’t want love, but she wanted to be loved and that was entirely different.

🕊️