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Horseback riding…

So, one thing TV doesn’t get across well is just how big an actual horse is. Like seriously huge!

And whose brilliant idea was it to put metal shoes on their feet? Like damn when that thing steps on your toe … anyway, I shouldn’t skip ahead to the end of the story.

In Nashville, so you gotta do some cowboy things right? I mean, after Summer broke out her old barrel racing outfit last night, I kinda felt obligated this morning to got for a different kinda ride. Anyway, the horse was huge… and what is 16 hands? Who the fuck measures in hands? Just massive, and mostly friendly she says. Mostly?

Anyway, we go for a trail ride… lesson learned. Stir ups are there for a reason. The good news is, I am not having anymore kids. My nuts got pounded into a gooey peanut butter like substance. I have bruises on top of the bruises on my thighs. I look like I spent a week in the showers at a prison. I don’t think her yelling faster helped much either.

Anyway, I learned that riding is harder than it looks on tv. Way harder.

So, we finish this torture session and I kinda fall off the horse and catch myself before I hit the ground. I am standing there praying for death… and then I feel it.

The toe of my running shoe being crushed by this monster who has metal shoes? Why not just give him spikes and finish me off?

So, I am now laying on the couch, ice packs in various places, my foot elevated, my left running shoe was cut off, and yeah… I am wondering how good an impression I am making on the family of the girl I want to marry one day.

Maybe her grandpa will just take me out back and shoot me…