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Countless failures

#18

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Growing up was never easy, though being older was never a choice. There were moments, small, fleeting, cruel moments, where she thought she had a choice, where she believed, however foolishly, that she could steer her life in a direction that wasn't already predestined for ruin.

Exactly five years ago, life hit her with its little asteroid, the universe flipped her off. She called it the age of the death star. Those ashes, somehow, burned through every part of her until nothing was left. Just like that, she became a dead star, waiting to shatter. The burden of being alive suffocated her. The times she chose to prove a point, her own blindness turned her into a fucking mess she could never escape.

But then again, she was just a kid... what did she fucking know? For years, she had been a walking corpse with no soul inside her, just a hollowed out husk going through the motions.

Some say paradigms shift, that fundamental changes happen in the most unexplainable ways. It doesn't happen like some grand revelation. It's brutal, slow and it chews you up before spitting you out somewhere even worse. Once again, life threw another asteroid into her dead star - a choice between life and death. But in the end, she swallowed it all.

She's older now, yet she still acts the same, walking the same tightrope between self destruction and survival, still tripping over the same cracks in the pavement, still trying to convince herself that this time would be different.. Nothing's really new, except the things buried beneath her.

So she bought a cake for Vivi. "Happy birthday, sweety," she said, her voice softer than she expected.

The candles flickered, their tiny flames casting warm shadows on the walls. For a brief moment, as she watched her daughter's eyes light up, something inside her stirred - a spark, faint but real.